Thursday, August 13, 2009

Happy Birthday Hubby

Our Wedding day~ Nov 19 2004

Derrick & I summer 2005

Tomorrow 25 years ago: August 14 1984. A sweet lady with flowing red hair gave birth to a chunky baby boy with big blue eyes, and white hair. He was named Derrick Benjamin Lefler. 25 years later brings us to present time. A few things have changed. The woman with flowing red hair ( Rhonda) my wonderful mother in law is still sweet, not only that she is a breast cancer survivor :) The boys isnt chunky all, and now he has 4 tattoos. 1 on the top of his back some sort of design, a Celtic knot on his upper arm, a tribal band around other arm, and a star on the inside of his arm~ the star is in loving memory of his best friend since diapers, and best man at our wedding who died in a car accident. His hair is now dirty blond. I will tell you he is gorgeous. Sexy, hot. I am so glad that his parents decided to give life to this man. Our marriage may not be perfect. I know we will always have to work on it. But I feel deep down in my heart we will grow old together.Here is to many more birthdays to come my love. To my handsome hubby: Happy Birthday!!! Olive Juice....Big Gulp

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Rebels with Watermelon

Sweet Juicy Lovely Watermelon

OKay so the other night I get home from work. Hubby got off a hour before me as usuall and I ran to the store to buy watermelon to have AFTER dinner was through. So I arrive home, and hubby has to go help his dad for awhile. Just then Kameron notices that lovely watermelon. Kameron wants some, he wants some bad. Hubby said, not until after dinner. Kameron was very upset. So Hubby leaves. Kameron cries. I try to cook. And Kolter man plays in his saucer. Hubby is gone, so what could a little watermelon hurt right? Hubby will never know :)So I grab my sweet, sometimes over emotional 4 year old up. And I bust out the watermelon. I ask Kameron, how big of a piece he would like to have...His response of course: THE WHOLE THING!!!! He settled for two nice size pieces. I Even gave some to Monkey (kolter), and he loved it. I just squeezed the juice into his mouth. But he just kept his mouth open the whole time while I grabbed another piece for him. So we ate our watermelon first, before dinner. Then just as we finished up with our sneaky treat. Hubby arrived home...early. Monkey had the evidence all over his shirt, and his face still. Woops:) Hubby decided to have some as well. What a nice treat. Next time I will get a water melon with seeds. Can you say: Watermelon seed fight?

PS~ One is never to old for a watermelon seed fight

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Reaching for the Sun

Stuck here in my office
reaching for the sun..
oh so close but so far away.
Oh how I desire
the warm touch of the sun on my skin

My Painting

In my last post I mentioned that I wanted to paint a little this weekend. Here is a picture of a painting I did while I was pregnant with Kameron. I love lillies and I really love this painting. I did it all by myself. It may not be perfect, but its mine. Oh how I wish I could describe the peace I feel when I paint...its been to long.

“Paint a rainbow inside of you, paint a rainbow, let your smile shine through. When it's cold and gray, push the clouds away, paint a rainbow in your heart.” ~ author unknown

Oh What will I do? That is the question

Saturday my hubby, his dad and Kameron are going on a "man" camping trip. Leaving little foot and I home all alone. What to do????? Do I clean all day, because it really needs to be done? Or do I do what I want to do? I could compromise and do a little of both. I think that shall be my plan. I will wake up, clean half the day on Saturday, and then spend the rest just doing what I want to do. I want to read some, take a walk with Kolter, maybe paint a picture because it has been oh so long since I have been able to do that. And cook chicken alfredo for dinner. Hubby hates the white sauce so ....I never get to have it (tear). Put Kolter to bed, have a nice glass of wine and watch a chick flick.... P.S. I Love You is calling my name again, even though I have seen it to many times. It sounds like a great day for my soul. Sunday if the weather permitts I just might head to the river and relax in shallow water under the shade of a nice tree...( I know the perfect spot) and just float on a tube: just Kolter and me:)

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Finding LOVE

When I whitness moments of love it always affects me. I love it when you see elderly couples hand in hand walking, or when a man is driving a truck and the woman is sitting right next to him leaving the passanger seat empty. I am from Montana so I see lots of trucks here. Whatever the acts of love, I always feel lucky and inspired by them. Love can be so simple, and love can be so damn complicated. On Novemer 19th 2009 I will be married for 5 years. And I am only 24 so thats a long time. I would say the past 6 months have been a huge struggle in my marriage. The romance left, the talking has stopped. We both know it, but choose to ignore it most of the time. I love Derrick, he is the father of my children. But I am not sure if I am "in" love with him. The good thing is...I think we can find our way back to being "in" love with eachother again. I dont think we will ever have the love or should I say teenage lust we once had before kids, before marriage, a time when..we choose to spend our days together, because we wanted to. Being grown up, having responsibilities has gotten in the way. Its so very sad for me to even write this down. Facing what is really going on . I know life is too short to be unhappy. I want to be happy and I want to be happy with him.So if I have to been the one to try a little harder, then I will. I think that if maybe we could go together somewhere..just him and I it might help us. I am not sure, but I want to try. In my heart I know we can grow in our love, and grow old together...just as I had dreamed:)

My Jobs~ and wishes

Computer~ I work on these 10 hours a day, 4 days a week

Oil Well~ I am a production tech for a oil and gas company: I gather the info on oil and gas wells and calculate how much they produce and sell, then I report the info to the federal and state government

Mom and Wife~ Besides those 10 hours a day, 4 days a week, I am a part time stay at home mom as I would like to say, exept I have to cram all of the house hold chores, grocery shopping, mommy and kid time, wife and husband time, among other things all into my time that I dont have to work.

I would love to be a SAHM full time, I really would. I dream of having the luxury. Dont get me wrong. Being a SAHM is a full time job for sure. Its not easy at all. But I dream of being one full time, because I want to be there with my kids all the time. I miss out on things, that I will never be able to get back. I want to wake up to my kids voices or cries if thats the case...instead of the annoying beep of my alarm clock. I want to wake up and say...I dont feel like cleaning the floors today, I am going to take the kids to the zoo instead. Ever since I was a little girl myself, all I dreamed of being in my life was a mother. I have always loved kids, and naturally gravitated towards them. Kids are our future. Kids are clay, the way you mold them, teach them, is going to be a big facter in who they will become when the grow up. I hate that I miss out on alot of that. I hate that other people are molding parts of my children for me. I am lucky enough that my mother is the care taker of my children while I work. So it could be worse. I could have to take them to day care. Thank GOD I dont!!! I am personally not a fan of day cares.... but that is a whole other post in itself. I know my mom will do a great job with my boys. And I know that this time that they get to share with their MeMe is so very important and precious. They will have great memories with their MeMe. I grew up to far from my grandparents and never got the chance at forming a great bond with them. So I know it could be far worse. But I am stuck in a office 10 hours a day, 4 days a week. Work days, I come home: Cook dinner, clean up after dinner. Give the kids baths. Have some time to play with them. Then its time to go to bed and do it all over again. Then Fridays are crammed with Doctors appointments, and going to places that are closed on the weekends, as Fridays is my only day to get that kind of stuff done. I also do my major cleaning on Fridays as well. Saturday and Sundays, I try to do fun things with the boys. Mainly for Kameron because Kolter really has no idea whats going on But Saturday and Sundays are wonderful. They give me a taste of what it would be like to not have to work. Money wise, we cant afford for me not to work. My job is a great job, with huge perks, and it has given me a great foundation for furthering my career in the future if need be. So for now I will continue to sit on my ass 4 days a week, and enjoy the other 3 days. I will continue to dream of the day when I will be able to stay home......