Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Finding LOVE

When I whitness moments of love it always affects me. I love it when you see elderly couples hand in hand walking, or when a man is driving a truck and the woman is sitting right next to him leaving the passanger seat empty. I am from Montana so I see lots of trucks here. Whatever the acts of love, I always feel lucky and inspired by them. Love can be so simple, and love can be so damn complicated. On Novemer 19th 2009 I will be married for 5 years. And I am only 24 so thats a long time. I would say the past 6 months have been a huge struggle in my marriage. The romance left, the talking has stopped. We both know it, but choose to ignore it most of the time. I love Derrick, he is the father of my children. But I am not sure if I am "in" love with him. The good thing is...I think we can find our way back to being "in" love with eachother again. I dont think we will ever have the love or should I say teenage lust we once had before kids, before marriage, a time when..we choose to spend our days together, because we wanted to. Being grown up, having responsibilities has gotten in the way. Its so very sad for me to even write this down. Facing what is really going on . I know life is too short to be unhappy. I want to be happy and I want to be happy with him.So if I have to been the one to try a little harder, then I will. I think that if maybe we could go together somewhere..just him and I it might help us. I am not sure, but I want to try. In my heart I know we can grow in our love, and grow old together...just as I had dreamed:)

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